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My son dreamed recently that he was being chased by monsters. Eventually, he escaped them by pressing a bar which made them disappear. The monsters likely represented his anxieties, and the fact that he had an escape mechanism (the bar) in place suggests he is making progress toward dealing with those anxieties, although he has yet to face them.

I don’t remember having nightmares at a young age, but I can imagine how terrifying it could be to a child to experience one. It’s hard enough as an adult to deal with the strong feelings and images in these dreams. At least grown-ups have the abilities to distinguish reality from fantasy, to rationalize, to process and work through these abstract puzzles.

When a nightmare occurs as an isolated incident, often just some reassurance from a trusted adult will allay any fears the child has. If the child dwells on his fears brought on by the nightmare throughout the day, however, and/or delays going to bed for fear of a recurrence of the dream, adults need to take action.

The first thing to consider is if the child is going to bed early enough to get a good night’s rest. Secondly, his sleep environment should be examined. Is he given ample opportunity to relax before bedtime? Does he have an established routine? Is the house quiet and relatively dark during his sleep time?

If those basic needs are being met, then the adult needs to examine what stressors in the child’s life might be influencing his dream world. If he is a young child, and nonverbal, then the adult will simply need to take measures to reduce the stress for the child, and provide a suitable amount of comfort, love and support. If he is verbal, in addition to reducing the stress, the adult could discuss the dream with him using age-appropriate language. The adult could also sensitively explore whatever stressors might be affecting the child in waking life.

For example, a child I know had a dream where he stepped through a door into “The Great Unknown.” This was a place of void and darkness, absolute nothingness. The child felt great anxiety about visiting The Great Unknown and was vastly relieved to return from it. In this child’s waking life, his parents had separated, but had not made a decision to either divorce or reunite. The child’s dream was a reflection of his not knowing the outcome of his parents’ separation. To him, not knowing was scarier and more anxiety-provoking than the eventual decision of his parents to divorce. Discussing this dream helped his parents realize the importance of providing this child with a sense of closure. They were able to explore his feelings of loss of control and his fear of the unknown with him on a deeper level.

Author David Fontana suggests that exploring these dreams with children can help enhance their psychological development. When exploring dreams with a child, adults should pick a time when the child seems relaxed and open, and when there are few distractions. Play would be an effective tool in encouraging the child to reenact the dream. The world of play is comforting to children and thus non-threatening. Some examples of play would be letting the child draw a picture about the dream, making up a story about the dream, and role-playing with dolls or puppets. Older children might prefer acting out the parts themselves.

If the child expresses fear or worry about revisiting the dream, there are ways to diffuse the fear. With the adult’s facilitation, the child can re-write the main characters and their purpose in the dream. In my son’s dream, for example, he could name the monsters silly names like Sugar, Fluffy, Bunny and Bambi. He could imagine bows in the monsters’ hair and that they wear fuzzy purple slippers. If using art, the child could use a new piece of paper to re-draw the dream as well. Using humor to enhance play will also help to allay the fears.

Noted dream therapist Tony Crisp expands on these suggestions:

An easy way to help your child deal with a nightmare is to encourage him or her to draw or model the dream. In this way the child gets the frightening thing out in front of him where the scary thing can be seen and controlled. Once he has done this, ask him what he wants to do with the scary creature or thing. For instance, he might wish to put it in a cage, or to make friends with it. In either case the child begins to feel more in control. Allowing your child to talk about such disturbing dreams also is very healing. It allows the child to voice his fears, and to know you will listen without criticism or judgment.

Some other suggestions to help the child rest easier at night, especially if the nightmares are recurring:

• Make a dream catcher together. I’ve included an informational link for those who are not familiar with dream catchers. My son and I made a very simple dream catcher from an embroidery hoop, some yarn, some wire, and some feathers bought from the craft store.
• Play soft relaxing music or some other background noise which the child finds soothing.
• Leave a light on for the child. If a child requests it, consider leaving even an overhead light on.
• Tuck a favorite stuffed animal, blanket, and/or other treasured items in with the child.
• Spray “nightmare repellent spray” (a recipe of water and a little perfume or food coloring) around the room at bedtime.

Reiterating what Mr. Crisp suggests, ask the child what would make him feel better about the nightmare. Sometimes this alone will help him feel more in control of the situation, thus easing his fears. The most important thing is not to make light of the impact of the dream on a child. Exploring the dream with the child is much more valuable in enhancing the child’s well-being than trying to ignore the dream or using some other sort of imagery at bedtime (i.e. thinking of a favorite puppy or a field of flowers.) If the dream persists, professional help might be an answer. Like adults, children are more likely to have recurring nightmares if there are issues in waking life.

Certainly many of these suggestions would work for adults doing peer dream work as well. Often, acting out a dream gives great insight into the meaning of it.

Do you have any input about the suggestions offered here? Have you tried some different approaches with a child in your life which have been effective? Share them with us!

Please e-mail them to me at: admin@thedreamnavigator.com or post a comment.

Here’s hoping we all dream sweet dreams tonight!

~Brooke
The Dream Navigator